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Retirement Notice

Legomenon · 93

Offline Legomenon

  • Superadmin
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    • Posts: 51
    • Join Date: Dec 2015
    • Reputation: 15
    • Gender: Male
  • Is it the end of the road so soon?
on: November 17, 2018, 12:49:52 PM

I structured this post this way to address various questions that people might have(or don't have). It is not intended to be dramatic(edit: intended to be heartfelt). If you know me, you know I like to be very informational with my subject topics. If anybody asks where I've gone, I humbly ask that you refer them to this article. This will be my last forum entry.

Greeting
Hello, if you are reading this post(and if you care). This is the *exquisite* letter of resignation that I said was coming at the end of my senior year, then at new years, and then I decided should just come right now because nobody likes drama, and slapping this sorta thing on a special date kind of implies that. For those of you who have no idea what this is about or have never seen me around, I am a Super Admin for Darkstorm Servers: Build. I have been staffing for ~1550 hours, between 5/5/17 and today, 11/17/18. As a Super Admin, I managed players, Administrators, and Moderators for Darkstorm Build. You may have seen me in the summer time, when I was doing 4-6 hour shifts on the server.

Announcement
I wonder what this is about...

Woohoo, I'm finally retiring(*insert party blower*). What's this mean? Well, I'm retiring from Garry's Mod almost entirely. I won't be building on there or figuring out gates or even testing out addons. The only reason I'll be on there forwards from this post is to take videos + snapshots of my best creations. I'm gonna stay in the Discord, so don't worry, I'm not going "cold turkey" or anything like that. I just won't be able to assist with matters relating to/on the server. I also won't be particularly active in the discord as much as I usually am, but if the managers above permit the steady existence of my "office" there, I'd be more than happy to respond to anyone who has questions or inquiries in there.

Reasoning
Why so soon?

Everyone's favorite bit. Please accept that there is never just one reason, I really do have quite a few(as always xd). P obvious point, but I am regularly depressed(some people have noticed it by my tone or volume). It comes in waves, so I have my highs and lows, and when I hit those lows, I hit them hard. This doesn't directly affect my playing of Garrys Mod, but there's a lot of tension and stuff that sort of musters itself into social anxiety. It just sort of leaks into everything I do. This leads to a drop in my morale on the server, and often times verbal aggression or impatience. Because of this, my ban lengths and punishments sometimes skewed, which lead to unfair treatment for similar cases, which is purely wrong. I have been suicidal a small handful of times, and while I have been tempted to talk more about it on the server or with my staff peers, a guilt that comes with that is roping people in. Which is vile. I don't believe dragging people down to my world really solves anything, so this is sort of a journey I've chosen to take on myself, and I'll admit it is a bit of a challenge. I am struggling. While my life isn't of poverty or physical struggle, everybody around me has a hard time getting to know me, and I have a hard time getting along with them. In high school, I never made all that many friends, so most of my friends came from Darkstorm-- so long as I didn't go on and on and on and on and on about how sad and upset I was. If you're wondering why I'm so sad from time to time, I'll discuss that with anybody(that I know) in a direct message. I'm not too comfortable talking about it here. And in a community full of mostly memes and satire, I'd just get shot up over it anyway.

Don't get me wrong, I really do love this community, but a lot of outside forces are infringing on my ability to appreciate what I once did.

I am honored to have been a member of the Darkstorm Super Admin team, because I felt as though I was in steady control of everything from players to peers. It was a nice feeling to be well known and able to guide people below me. However, that's all that would keep me on Darkstorm anymore. You know, and I've mentioned this a lot in the last few months, I don't enjoy my job as much as I used to. Everybody I've known well on that server has either already begun to move on or has already moved on, and every day I was on there I found myself just dealing with endless streams of insubordinate high ranks or unexperienced/temper challenged low ranks. I've always wanted to do fun stuff(as some would know, 1000 hp death matches) but it's hard to give people those kind of moments of fun when I'm always punishing somebody else every time I turn around. Truth be told, I miss a lot of people who used to be around. Redcyberhawk, Corvixin, Lilith, Sarah, Demon, Ous, Sez, Maiq, and Backcats, to name a few(the list goes on.).... yeh, we all have lives, but online contact is the least anybody can do here. I'm not blaming anybody, I just miss a lot of you folks who helped to keep me sane against the endless torrents of testy players. But that's enough drama lol, can't seem to stay away from it.

Nah, but if you're looking for a tangible, physical reason on why I'm leaving, it's because of school + college. I only just applied to my first college, and I have no idea where to go from there. I don't have a job yet, or a license, and I really need to focus on that kind of stuff. I'm stressed about what I'm going to do, where I'm going to work, and how I'm going to get there, and proceeding in my education. In a sense I really need to put my education first, properly(I'm a senior with a 2.9 GPA and still recovering from a bad Freshman/Sophomore year). While I have been doing better in my education, I want to be more alert for the many surprises life throws at you during this transition period.

It's also because there's nothing else I want to learn in Garry's Mod! Lol.

Memories
Nah, this was actually in the draft, but we can't have the drama!

Apologies
You're wrong! I hate you!

This section is devoted specifically to everyone that I've wronged during my staffing era, everyone I've talked down to, and everyone I've treated as less than myself. I'm sorry to everyone I ever judged unreasonably on Darkstorm, and being there as made me learn a lot about human interactions and how to communicate as though what somebody said to me mattered. And it always does, you know. I never intentionally ignore people, but I give my apologies to those who I have missed out on talking to or hearing. As for my peers, I'm sorry to everybody I didn't get along with. And Backcats, and Ouskiller, I'm sorry for being the whiny punk I was when I first started out. I've learned a lot from you both(integrity and humor for example) and I would have to say, I'm glad to have learned from some of the best. Bryant, thanks for giving me that second shot you gave me after I retired the first time; And I'm sorry if my sudden retirement brings any issues to this amazing server. I am happy to have helped it in anyway I may have.

Plans
Wherefore art thou, Lego?

As some of you may heard or have seen, I'm getting more into 3D Modelling + Animation, which is what I actually did a lot before staffing on Darkstorm. I'm also easing back into developing stuff in Roblox, another old hobby I dropped but am now picking back up. Infact, if anybody has a roblox account, I'd be glad to link any of you to my projects once they're a little more complete. I will keep progress reports posted in #gallery on the Discord as best as I can for anyone who'd like to see them. In terms of games, it really could be anything that isn't GMod. From The Depths and TF2 are two I can name, for starts. There will also probably be more coming up on my youtube channel related to Blender and whatnot in the next few months.

Farewell
And in case I don't see ya... Good afternoon, good evening and goodnight!

Special thanks to Backcats, Ouskiller, Bryant, and Zafiro for showing me the ropes. I'll have to pass this torch onto somebody else, and whoever it is, hang in there. Special thanks to Odesza for teaching me how to actually work this goddamn game... and special thanks to Linkjay and Traitorous for being there when Sh*t got rough. As for everybody else, thank you so much for everything you've taught me/done for me/with me during this past year and a half! Thank you for allowing me to administrate Darkstorm with you. Oh, and thanks for being a damn good staff member, Maiq.

Folks, it's been real.
-Yours truly,

~Legomenon

« Last Edit: November 17, 2018, 11:36:14 PM by Legomenon »

Hope for the best and prepare for the worst.


Offline M'aiq The Liar

  • Moderator
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    • Posts: 32
    • Join Date: Jan 2018
    • Reputation: 8
  • I don't know how to add a personal text
Reply #1 on: November 20, 2018, 07:15:59 PM

Well, that's a major oof.

On a serious note though, I can see where you're coming from, and you've definitely contributed more than your fair share of time and effort to the server.  I wish you the best of luck with your college years and beyond.

Just as you have said, I'm still around on the Discord (and of course Steam), so hopefully we'll bump into each other every now and again.

Thanks again for all the good times my dawg,
-M'aiq